Equestrian Duel Academy Fic(Chap 1.. draft? thing)

Hayate, a young colt unicorn, smiled as he walked along the cobbled streets of Canterlot. His head held high as a small breeze rippled his light blue coat and brown mane and tail. His green eyes flicked back and forth as he took in the sights, so different to those in his home town of Stalliongrad. Stopping quickly to check on the white duel disk sitting in his saddlebags he casually glanced over to his destination; Equestrian Duel Academy.

It was a relatively new building, easily distinguishable from the olden time architecture that was so prevalent in the capital. From where he sat, Hayate could just make out a single white dome with six other coloured domes surrounding it; he smiled cheered by the thought it was so close.

In truth, it was a little more than an hour of walking to reach but upon arrival he was stunned. The Place was huge. Shaking himself out of his inspective Daze he wandered over to the wooden booth commandeered by three young mares each wearing a purple blazer with a short dark purple skirt. They smiled as he registered, handing him a slip of paper that read 83, DF6 and with a chorus of good lucks they motioned him into the building.

The first thing that hit him was the noise, there were more explosions and shouts then at Magical Kindergarten; casting a quick noise muter spell Hayate studied the room. He found himself standing at the very top of the chairs that ringed the room; a large patch of floor was fenced, splitting it into eight squares with numerous duelling fields painted in each.

Looking up he noticed several difference screens rotating slowly in a circle, each showing off a different number. For what felt like hours he watched the screens twirl, the numbers counting up until finally he was called.

Walking down the steps, passing numerous other young mares and stallions he made his way to Duel field six where his instructor awaited him. Hayate gave a small grin as he saw his instructor, a rather attractive earth pony mare, her coat was a creamy white and her dark red mane and tail gave her the look of a strawberry dipped in cream. He duel disk already filled with a deck hung around her neck.

He forced his eyes to lock on hers as he stated hurriedly, “Morning Marm.”

“Recruit.” Was the only word she spoke before she activating her duel disk with a couple of head movements.

Quickly Hayate his duel disk and clipped it on to his neck, putting in his deck and activating his auto shuffler. Drawing five card each both the mare and the stallion shouted at the tops of their lungs.

“ DUEL!”

A holographic coin appeared in the middle of the two duellists as the life bar meters rose until they stood proudly at eight thousand, with a nod from the mare Hayate made the call.

“I choose heads,” They both watched silently as the coin fell, the right way from Hayate’s point of view.

“I draw.”

Quickly Hayate scanned his hoof: MST, Steelswarm Needle, Infestation Ripples, Dark Bribe, Steelswarm Girastag and Grave of the super ancient Organism Steelswarm Caller.

“I set three facedowns, and summon Steelswarm needle (1850/0) to my field in attack mode.”

The mare at the other end of the field nodded as she wordlessly drew.

“I summon, Skilled Dark Magician (1900/1700) to my side of the field.”

Hayate nodded as a tall robbed figure appeared, twirling a long staff.

The examiner smirked. “I shall now activate the spell card, Magical Dimension. By tributing my lesser Magician I can summon a far stronger one. Come out Dark Magician.”

Hayate Watched wide eyed as the robbed monster gave out a pitiful cry and vanished before being replaced by something far more sinister.

The new monster was another tall human, but this time in what looked to be purple armour; he too twirled a staff but this time a thicker green rod with a pointed top that curved around a dark green sphere.

“Now I will activate the second bit of my spells ability, I can select and destroy one of your monsters.”

Hayate watched in dismay as the monster gave a piercing shriek before exploding into multicoloured shards and disappearing from view, glaring at her he growled.

“I activate my trap card, Grave of the super ancient Organism! As long as this card is on the field, all level 6 or higher special summoned monsters can’t attack or activate there effects.”

“Nice move, but it won’t help you Recruit. I set a card face down and end my turn.”
“My draw and I use the card I just drew, Steelswarm Cell (0/0). Thanks to the fact I have no monsters on the field I can special summon this card from my hoof in attack mode.”
A round and bug appeared, hissing menacingly as it flapped it’s wings and moved it’s little legs.


“But don’t worry he won’t be staying. I tribute him for Steelswarm Girastag (2600/0)”
Cell disappeared from the field as quickly as it had game and in its place stood a great towering monster. It was humanoid in appearance covered in grey scales and plating. A long tail whipped back and forth as it clenched its right first and aimed its left hoof cannon at the examiners set spell and trap.

“Now I activate its effect, I target your-“

“Not so fast recruit. I activate my Facedown; Solemn Warning. This card allows me to pay 2000 life points to negate the summoning of your monster.” With a long beep her life point bar fell to six thousand as Girastag roared and exploded.”

“I end my turn.. oh horseapples,” Hayate face hoofed instantly as he realised what he had done. “Why didn’t I activate my Dark Bribe? Stupid stupid stupid!”

“Are you alright Recruit?” Hayate nodded. “In that case, my move and I activate Mystical Space Typhoon to destroy your Grave of the super ancient Organism.”

“I activate my trap, Dark Bribe.” Hayate called out, watching the spectacular wind display vanish.

The examiner eyes him oddly. “You had Dark Bribe sitting there from the start? Tut. Well, I draw and set a facedown monster and end my turn then.”

Hayate nodded and drew, staring at the Corrosive Contagion Infestation he had just picked up; a plan forming in his mind.

“I activate my Mystical Space Typhoon and destroy your face down, and then I summon Steelswarm Caller and set a back row of my own and end.”

“I draw” The mare announced quietly.

“And I activate my face down, Corrosive Contagion Infestation.” The mare looked at him blankly.

“You sure recruit?” Hayate nodded and the Mare shrugged. “I set a monster and end my turn.”

“I draw and return my recently drawn Cell back to my hoof with CCI’s effect to grab another Girastag from my deck, I then tribute Caller and select your facedown monster and send it to the grave, and gain myself 1000 life points.”

A small floating witch burst into multicoloured lights, as the trainer looked frustrated.

“I then activate callers effect allowing me to special summon another Steelswarm Needle. I then attack, Girastag to take you down your Dark Magician and then Needle will attack you directly.” Hayate took a deep breath and smiled as he watched the tester’s life point’s fall to 4050.

The tester drew and stared at her hoof before shaking her head. Twisting her head she moved the card stand around so that her hoof was showing, nothing but useless spells.

“You win recruit, I have nothing. Go to the table out front, they’ll have your scores.”
Hayate thanked her quickly, rushing up the steps to receive his score. Pushing past the other students and hopefuls he finally made his way outside, the three mares grinned at him.

“Hayate Cooper, welcome to the academy. You’re Dorm Applejack Orange. Though you did well you made one or two misplays. So welcome to the academy.”

Hayate blinked as he found an Orange jacket shoved into his face.

“Life as an Applejack huh? Could be worse..”

Feel free to abuse as needed. Questions, comments, flames whatever

It's not bad at all! Only a few things I'd like to mention.

1.) You should describe the main character's appearance in more detail. You've described the look of the instructor and the counter workers well, but you haven't made any analysis of your character(the main character mind you!) other than his relative age, gender, and species. Mane and tail color/style, eye color, and cutie marks(how could you forget this part!) are all things to consider describing about the main character, and any other character in your story.

2.)I think the evaluation process was rushed. There should have been more twists and surprises to keep the reader entertained. Also, I believe the instructor gave in too easily. As an instructor of the school, she should have put up more of a fight.

Other then a few small spelling/grammar errors, it was cool!

>few small spelling/grammar errors

Small? Wow.. that's a change. I thought it would be littered and I do mean littered with them.


Ok. Now I know what to fix to make stuff less suck, and relative length wasn't a problem so awesome. Thank you Pixel for being awesome.